So If you DID know the answer...

Why is it that when you don't know an answer or can't make the decision about what you need to do, and someone asks, "Well, if you did know, what would it be?" that you can come up with an answer more easily?

Sometimes the pressure to make a decision and be responsible for the consequences can create mental blocks, a behavior, that in my field of behavior analysis, we call an avoid or escape mechanism. As a Hypnotherapist, I have to say that in this case, the avoidance and escape mechanism of not knowing information, until you allow yourself to explore what the likely answers might be, is by and large at the subconscious level.

I should point out that people may actually have behaviors that in one situation will be linked to one intention and then fulfill another purpose when the environment changes. This is the same behavior just different intentions or reasons for the behavior in different environments. For example, a teenager might resist getting up in the morning and refuse to get ready for school because (primarily) they are trying to avoid or escape going to a place they do not like. They may also refuse to comply with house rules or may fight with siblings after school (primarily) because they are tired and need more sleep. Same or similar behavior but different motivations and factors come into play. The typical way we find out what the primary motivation is for a behavior, is by doing a comprehensive functional assessment and through direct observation.

However, all behavior is communication and for individuals with developmental disabilities, who can not speak, for example, the usual way to communicate to others is through their behavior. Their behavior communicates internal and/or external stimuli. After knowing the individual for a little while we can predict circumstances and setting events (things that have a causal factor for behavior) that are idiosyncratic to the individual so that we can decrease behavioral outbursts just by knowing this information about the individual.

The way we behave is often revealed in the same way people with developmental disabilities use to communicate. Our behavior is communicating something important but we may not be aware of it's message, because it may have it's roots in our subconscious mind. For example, going back to the teenager refusing to get up because they are avoiding or escaping going to school, if we knew what things at school were problems, then we could make adjustments that could solve the resistance. Maybe there is a problem with a teacher, with the schedule or maybe they are bored, just to name a few. In the same way, knowing why we resist, avoid or escape is critical to riding ourselves of what no longer serves us and in developing more appropriate ways of functioning.

While a functional assessment is often the first thing we do to determine the function of a behavior, there is another way that occurs naturally with people without much thought of doing so. You subconsciously "tune in to" the intention or purpose linked to the behavior you exhibit or others are doing, so well that you can change, diminish or extinguish the behavior all together in many cases. Most of the time we say we gather this information because of direct observation, but I submit there is even a more refined dynamic mechanism at hand, which has it's roots in the subconscious awareness.

So wouldn't you think that when we look at our own behaviors, since we know what we are thinking and feeling, that we would know why we behave the way we do and why we have difficulty knowing our own intentions, purposes, or setting events? While it may appear to be that easy, often it isn't. It has little to do with how smart we, and more about knowing why we do what we do and where we need to modify our behavior to be successful.

Begin today to think about the internal and external factors that drive your behavior, those health concerns, environmental situations (noise, temperature, light, overcrowding, smell for example) that stress you out, or motivating factors that drive you onward, etc.. How do they affect your life and your behavior? What are you communicating through the behavior? Lastly, what are the intentions or motivations behind what you do in your daily life.

Not sure? Well, if you did know, what would those answers be? If you had to write your own owner's manual what would you write? Once you sit down and think about the environment you function best in, what helps you to feel motivated and happy, sad or angry, you will begin to see a pattern emerge. What goals do you have and have you have stopped to think about why you have trouble breaking the friction between the chair and the seat of your pants, or why you go through life with one foot on the gas peddle and the other firmly planted on the brake?

Most of time people know all about what they do not want showing up in their life. They often don't really stop to decide what they truly want or to examine how to get what they want. Knowing what you want and what drives your behavior is key to solving problems and overcoming barriers in your life.

A simple way to determine what you want is make a list of the things in your life that you do not want. Write them down on a sheet of paper and then reverse the statement. For example, if I wrote "I want to stop having conflict with other people" I would just need to rewrite it in the reverse. The new statement is, "I want peace in my relationships" or "I want to relate with others with ease and comfort". Play with your choice of words and then close your eyes and say it aloud. You will "feel" the difference in the way it hits you and those statements will become effective affirmations as well.

Sometimes people need the assistance of a certified Hypnotherapist to clear obstacles due to subconscious barriers. The map of the mind is like that of an iceberg where most of the processes that produce the results that keep showing up in our life is buried in the subconscious. If you keep finding yourself stuck after you have determined the game plan for your life and uncovered any conscious motivations or factors for your behavior without good results, then seek the help of a certified Hypnotherapist. Get to root of the issue and start making the changes that produce what you do want for the rest of your life.