Hypnosisjoy

2010-01-10T09:29:00.001-08:00

Look closely, what do you see? A hand and a bent and warped fork, or the power of thought and intention?

Using the energy and intent of my thoughts, I was able to remold this fork as I thought about sending heat into the metal and reshaping it.

For this new year, wrap your head around the idea of harnessing the power of your own inner creative thoughts. What you think about does become reality.

Hypnosis and Massage for Pain Management

2009-10-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

The Hypnosis Center, LLC is please to annouce the grand opening of a new office located at 210 N Freedom Blvd #205 in Provo, Utah. The Hypnosis Center and Palmer's Massage LLC will be combining services to offer clients two alternative modalities for relieving pain symptoms and for reducing stress and anxiety.

The grand opening celebration will occur on Saturday, October 17th from 10 AM until 3 PM. FREE chair massages and prize drawings will be given for those in attendance. Please contact us today for more information on our affordable rates and specials or to schedule your appointment today!

The Hypnosis Center, LLC
(801) 687-2458
http://www.hypnosisjoy.org

Palmer's Massage, LLC
(801) 830-4101
http://www.palmersmassageme.com

Dealing with Step-children in settling in as a new family

2009-08-15T23:15:00.000-07:00

Today your chances of being a step parent at some point in your life is a high probability. Unless you can assure that your marriage will last for a life-time, that your spouse will never die or leave you, you could find yourself in a relationship with children other than your own.

As a person who found myself in a relationship involving step-children I can tell you first hand the pitfalls and the useful things that I discovered in my journey as a step-mother. The most important objective that parents face is the reality that if the situation isn't handled appropriately, the relationship could fall apart quickly and innocent children could face another situation where they must transition once again into a situation of uncertainty, another divorce.

When the relationship with your spouse is new it is tempting to believe that you could face all odds, without exception, and that your love for one another will always hold the relationship together. But once the honeymoon period is over and life settles in, you may discover that loving a child that is not your natural flesh and blood can be a challenge, especially if they are acting out or have behavior problems.

Communication and Planning Are Crucial

Decide early in the relationship how you will handle discipline problems and who will be primarily responsible for carrying out child care issues. Determine who will be responsible to get the child to day care or school, who attends parent teacher conferences, which church will be attended and how to handle the ex when it comes to custody disputes and visitation complications. These are issues most people don't think about going into the relationship but they are important to iron out before they begin to tear down your resolve and decay an otherwise loving relationship.

Once you have addressed these issues it is time to invest in your relationship with your step child. You might think of the relationship like you would a bank account, where you make deposits or withdraws in your relationship account.

Like a bank account, too many withdrawals will result in making up what should have been reserved for the account plus certain insufficient fund fees. Failing to do what you promised, for example, will result in a loss of trust and in order to resolve the issue it is important to explain to the child why you could not or did not come through with what you promised. Once the child understands why and sees that you are making an effort to keep their trust, they will comply with your requests and will in turn make an effort to please you.

This is going the extra mile but that is the result of overdrawing the account. If you don't have a positive relationship with the child you need to discover what is in the way of establishing one. This is one relationship that you can not afford to ignore. If this relationship is unhealthy it will impair your relationship with your spouse as well. Don't shy away from counseling if that is what is needed. Most people think that only weak minded people seek counseling but just the opposite is true, it is the people who use a tough resolve to solve problems who come out the winners in these situations.

Bonding Is key

As a mother of eight children, yours, mine and ours, ages 12 to newborn, I can tell you that it can be challenging to bond to the children or have the children bond to one another, but bond you must. The first rule of thumb is that you get more of what you focus on, so if that happens to be negative, then that is what you will get more of, so turn it around. Observe your tendency to be either negative or positive and try your best to keep things on the positive end of the spectrum.

The best way I have found to help children bond to one another is get them to teach each other a new skill. An older child can teach an younger one how to tie a shoe. A younger child will often show an interest in the older child as a result. Activities such as cookie making or crafts, and attending sporting events where the younger children can cheer for the older ones, will help the family start functioning as a team. You might have a choir chart or board at home where you can assign certain tasks to each child and which rotates choirs each week. Find out what motivates each child and offer them a reward for making the effort to cooperate and work as a team, even if it is only verbal praise for a job well done.

Whenever their is a transition, such as the children returning from visitation with the ex, expect a little turbulence. This is because they need a little time to transition from one family system into another. Divorce is difficult for children and ex-spouses sometimes have agendas of their own and may try to entrap the children and use them as pawns. Do not engage in using the children in this way and do not engage in retaliating against a child who is in a transition period. Discuss divorce issues or comment on the ex-spouses behavior when the children can not hear you. It may take a lot of self restraint but you must provide a positive role model for how you want the children to behave.

Regroup Regularly

Remember that even if things are not perfect and even if the children are not doing the things exactly as you envisioned they would, that the purpose of any task should be to strengthen the relationship. So what if the table wasn't set the way you wanted, or the dishes weren't loaded the way you like, the purpose for teaching and participating in any task with the children should be to strengthen the relationship.

Remember, what you put out you will get back. If you can not say anything positive, walk away and cool down. People who are in the height of a crisis cycle while they are all mad can not engage in constructive communication. Wait for the situation to cool down when you will be working out the situation with rational minds and not in the heat of the moment.

If you show appreciation for others, and for yourself, you will create a positive, safe and loving atmosphere in the home. It has been said that the first thing to goes out the window in a good relationship is appreciation. Whenever you recognize the positive intentions of other people, especially those you live with, you engender loving relationships, people feel good about themselves and others and you have a situation that is manageable.

Using Rotation of Attention Effectively

When you stop and think about it, giving your biological children attention is pretty easy. You interact with them without thinking about it and you do so because you are naturally bonded to them. However, whether you realize it or not, the time you are being attentive to your own kids, is taking away from the attention for the step-children. Take time to give good rotation of attention to all the kids. Get in the habit of asking them about there day, or about things that they find interesting.

This is a major deposit in your relationship account because when all the children feel important and noticed in the family they have less reason to act out. You'll notice benefits coming from your spouse as well and have more peace of mind in your home life. It is a simple thing to do, and it doesn't require intense effort, but it does require an active awareness to be successful on a daily basis.

Shaping Inappropriate Behavior

In shaping behavior you want to reward the child for positive behavior and/or in the absence of inappropriate behavior. Most of the time if you merely redirect inappropriate behavior you can nip "acting out" in the bud, before it gets to be a habit. As a Behavior Analyst, I can tell you that you don't want to reinforce behavior that is negative, and if the child get attention mainly when they are "acting out", then you are reinforcing it. Getting attention for being bad is still more rewarding then being unnoticed. If the behavior doesn't cause harm to themselves or others, try ignoring it. When the child stops acting out and is quiet for a few minutes, immediately reinforce that by commenting on how appropriate they are being. You can turn most behavior concerns around quickly in this way.

Don't say "NO". Instead say, "I would love to give you that, allow you to do that etc. as soon as... fill in the blank". In this way, you are giving them what they are asking for but you are getting it under the conditions you have set. Both of you get what you want and there is less need for conflict.

Putting it all together

You don't have to do it all overnight. Each day, do your best, don't take things personally, show and accept appreciation and understand that relationships take time. Remember that by the inch things are a cinch, but by the yard they tend to be hard.

What to do when you lose your job, saving your self-esteem

2009-07-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

So you lost your job. Now what? Knowing that other people are in the same boat might take some sting away but right now you need a game plan. Losing a job is a double-edged sword. Don't panic. Do the obvious by applying for your unemployment benefits, tightening your budget and looking for bargains.

Some companies offer severance packages but even if yours did not, you can still apply for unemployment. In some cases, even if you were fired and you don't think you will be eligible, many times you will be. Company's make mistakes and don't always keep adequate documentation, so give it a try. Applying for unemployment can be a process that will require patience as you may need to wait for lengthy periods of time on the phone and complete lots of forms. If you need help with this process you can ask for help at your local unemployment office.

The biggest fear that goes along with losing a job is whether or not you are going to be able to cover your bills and whether you might lose everything before you get hired again. You need to prioritize in the following order: food, transportation, water and utilities and then mortgage. You need to know that you and your family will have enough food to eat and transportation to get you to and from important places such as job interviews, school and to the store, etc. Budget money for fuel and if you have a car payment, make it. Even if you had to move out and rent your place or live with a relative, you will need your car, or whatever transportation you usually use, to bridge the gap from your last job to the next. Relying on others to get you around isn't the best plan and can lead to resentment.

Most lender's are willing to work with you on your mortgage and even landlords would typically rather have their place rented even for a little less than owed, rather than have it sit vacant and risk vandalism and disrepair. You can often make reduced payments but contact your landlord or lender and make sure to communicate your situation rather than keeping them in the dark. If you live in a place where you are responsible for HOA (home owners association) fees, in addition to your mortgage, don't forget to contact them as well because they can and will put a lien against your place if you don't communicate with them and you may risk losing your home in the long run as a result. You will need to have water, gas and electricity to make sure you can prepare your food, shower and keep your clothing clean to make sure you are prepared for any job leads that come your way.

You may be able to work with your credit card company(s) to reduce your payment amounts but whether they will cooperate or not, they should be last priority. If you have extra money, put it in a savings account rather than on a credit card to pay it down or completely off. Why? Because you could pay a card off and plan to use it for "emergencies" only to find out they lowered your limit or even closed it, if you don't use it regularly, or when they discover you are late on other bills. You wouldn't think it would matter but how you pay your other bills affects your credit accounts! You can always use savings to pay your minimum plus a little extra but don't risk losing any amount of money you may have on paying off a card upfront. Paying more interest in the long run isn't the biggest problem you have now, it is survival and you need to focus on at the moment.

If you need to disconnect some of your services, people can usually get by without TV, newspapers and other subscriptions as well as Internet service. If you can get to a library to read free newspapers and use the computers there to apply for jobs, you can get by for the time being. Go prepared with resume in hand because many employers require that you fax your resume and many libraries offer cheaper fax services than most businesses. Our town's local library will fax up to 10 pages for one dollar.

Have a folder to keep your documents together and protect them from getting soiled or torn. It is a good idea to scan your documents to an email account so that you can get another copy where ever there is Internet access or you can save a copy to a thumb drive that you can carry with you. You may not have time or money to run back home and grab another resume or document you may have forgotten so remember to use this time-saving strategy.

Don't forget that your local employment agency will typically have Employment Counselors to help you in your job search and the agencies will also have internet service and computers as well as fax machines for your use, typically for free. Your Rehabilitation Agency can also help you with job placement if you are a client.

If you need food you can apply for food stamps, contact church groups or community agencies to find out what resources you have in your community. Most large cities will even have free clinics to help with medical issues. If you don't have money to refill prescriptions contact your doctor's office to see if they can give you samples or if they know of other resources to help you with your medications. If you are taking prescription medications you should know that some medications can not be discontinued on the spot. You should at least consult with your doctor to find out what you need to do about your prescription needs. If you have trouble getting your doctor's office to respond, contact your Pharmacist for help.

Last but not least, you need to take care of your psychological needs. One huge side effect of job loss is a blow to your self-esteem. On the positive side, people often miss the fact that the other edge of the unemployment sword is the opportunity to carve out a new beginning, to hit the reset button and jump-start your life into something exciting and new. Once you get past the initial shock and emotional reaction(s) of losing your job, consider that this is the time to reinvent yourself, and you will. Concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and don't overwhelm yourself. The pieces of the puzzle will come together with time.

On the flip side, in our culture who you are is often tied to what you do. Whenever you meet someone, after introducing yourself, the next question is usually, "So what do you do?" Most people have spent a lot of time, energy and persistence to get where they were before they lost their job, so losing a job can feel like a loss of everything. However, you have not lost your knowledge, skill or experience. No one can take that away. Your job now is to skillfully repackage yourself.

In reality, even though what we do contributes to our self-worth, what you do is not who you are. Who you are is a person that has a particular set of strengths and unique abilities.Getting clear about those abilities and skills is easier to define using these action steps.

1) Identify your strengths.

Really get clear about what makes you unique as a person. Maybe you are really good with helping solve problems, maybe you get along with difficult people, or can stay calm when things are going crazy on the job. Maybe you have developed the skills that are valued in a particular line of work, or have experience that makes you a real asset to a perspective employer. Whatever it is, be specific about what makes you unique. When writing your resume, also be specific because saying, "I increased revenue by 87%," says more than simply," I increased revenue." Clarify all your strengths in this way.

2) Capitalize on the obvious

Don't overlook the basics. For example, showing up on time, meeting deadlines, being organized, being knowledgeable, and being able to work with difficult people are skills that are very marketable. Not everyone can accomplish this, so don't forget to consider them.

3) Turn your weaknesses into strengths.

If you really dislike working with people and like being up late, consider the following way to package that. When looking for work, state that you are willing to work the late shift and work independently, for example. That gives you a good fit for your preferences while carving out a specific niche where your competition is more limited.

4) Take care of yourself and keep your mind busy.

Take advantage of extra time and relax. Don't forget to take walks, exercise, and do things you have been waiting to do. Try painting, read a book, write that story, meditate, play sports or watch enjoyable movies, for example.

5) Take time to organize yourself.

Now is the time for making a fresh start. Get rid of all the things that you never use, selling what you can. You will feel much better when your space is clean and organized. When your clothes are ironed, you're ready for the interviews. You will be better prepared, less rushed and more relaxed.

6) Really get clear on what you want.

Now is the time to do an assessment on what you really want in life. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you like working with others or alone? Do you like working inside or out? Do you still like the type of work you were doing? If not, maybe it is time to look at other options. Perhaps furthering your education is what you need to do. Incorporate the knowledge and skills you have with the things you love to do. Do your research and you might be surprised at the options that emerge.

7) Have a safety net.

Sometimes we all need a little extra help. It is OK to get your emotions out, and expressing yourself is key to good mental health. Surround yourself with people who are optimistic and talk about what you want instead of what you do not want. While this might seem trivial, it is not. Whatever you focus on, you get more of, and that includes happiness. Take advantage of time you have to connect with loved ones and friends in activities that don't require a lot of money.

8) Consider affordable counseling.

If you have difficulty with handling your emotions and need more support consider contacting a Counselor. Another helpful option is to try hypnotherapy because it helps to relax your body and nervous system, as well as your mind. Find a Hypnotherapist who is qualified to work with people with disabilities and who is certified as a Hypnotherapist. Learning to do self hypnosis is very empowering to discover solutions within and overcome barriers. You can do this from the comfort of your home and access a valuable resource for putting things into perspective to help you find peace of mind.

In the end, you will discover that life isn't about what happens to you but what you make of it. Take a deep relaxing breath and start anew today!

Addiction and Rehabilitation Issues

2009-07-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

Manny, recently released from prison, came for help in treating his cocaine addiction. His life was just a repeat of a familiar cycle of addiction and relapse. He sat in my office with his head in his hands and talked about his fifteen-year-old son whom he had little contact with since he was a young boy. Manny explained that if he had just one more dirty drug test that he would have to return to prison. He wanted desperately to be a father and to get to know his son. Manny never knew his own father who had a cocaine addiction and also called prison home. He knew all to well what life was like growing up without a father.

Although he was in an inpatient facility, specializing in drug addiction treatment, he was still using. His expression conveyed that he wanted so badly for me to save him from his certain fate, but mostly from himself. "Are you going to rat me out?" Manny asked bowing his head. "I don't even know why I told you, I guess I desperately need for someone to hear me and tell me how to change."

People like Manny who have cocaine addictions and who have spent time in intensive drug treatment programs some how cling to the very addiction that torments them daily, week after week, year after year. It is a pathetic dance, with two steps forward and 10 steps back. Many gave up saying they just didn't have the willpower to change.

There are good drug addiction treatment facilities that are dedicated to help people like Manny on the road to recovery. Physical withdrawal is only part of the problem. Interventions typically occur on the conscious level and use education and willpower in preventing relapse. But somehow willpower just doesn't seem to cut it.

Many addictions are linked to social reinforcement. It appears that one of the common threads inherent in addictions is the yearning to be connected and a fear of abandoning the only life they know. Many people today are using hypnosis intervention to treat drug addiction, finding relief and satisfaction.

The use of hypnosis works on the subconscious level to analyze and renegotiate healthy alternatives to maladaptive habits and thinking errors of those lost in the grip of drug addictions. Often people who become addicts begin by self medicating the hurt inside, and to compensate for what they believe they can't handle. "Checking out" becomes the safety net of the ill advised and the disenfranchised.

In hypnosis people discover a potent inner resource that assists them in healing the wounds that keep them stuck. You might think of it as upgrading the software that runs your programing. By learning hypnosis people learn how to take back their power, their bodies and minds. They relax physically, mentally and experience deep relaxation of the nervous system. If you've tried drug addiction treatments in the past without success, hypnosis is a alternative way to achieve success.

So If you DID know the answer...

2009-07-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when you don't know an answer or can't make the decision about what you need to do, and someone asks, "Well, if you did know, what would it be?" that you can come up with an answer more easily?

Sometimes the pressure to make a decision and be responsible for the consequences can create mental blocks, a behavior, that in my field of behavior analysis, we call an avoid or escape mechanism. As a Hypnotherapist, I have to say that in this case, the avoidance and escape mechanism of not knowing information, until you allow yourself to explore what the likely answers might be, is by and large at the subconscious level.

I should point out that people may actually have behaviors that in one situation will be linked to one intention and then fulfill another purpose when the environment changes. This is the same behavior just different intentions or reasons for the behavior in different environments. For example, a teenager might resist getting up in the morning and refuse to get ready for school because (primarily) they are trying to avoid or escape going to a place they do not like. They may also refuse to comply with house rules or may fight with siblings after school (primarily) because they are tired and need more sleep. Same or similar behavior but different motivations and factors come into play. The typical way we find out what the primary motivation is for a behavior, is by doing a comprehensive functional assessment and through direct observation.

However, all behavior is communication and for individuals with developmental disabilities, who can not speak, for example, the usual way to communicate to others is through their behavior. Their behavior communicates internal and/or external stimuli. After knowing the individual for a little while we can predict circumstances and setting events (things that have a causal factor for behavior) that are idiosyncratic to the individual so that we can decrease behavioral outbursts just by knowing this information about the individual.

The way we behave is often revealed in the same way people with developmental disabilities use to communicate. Our behavior is communicating something important but we may not be aware of it's message, because it may have it's roots in our subconscious mind. For example, going back to the teenager refusing to get up because they are avoiding or escaping going to school, if we knew what things at school were problems, then we could make adjustments that could solve the resistance. Maybe there is a problem with a teacher, with the schedule or maybe they are bored, just to name a few. In the same way, knowing why we resist, avoid or escape is critical to riding ourselves of what no longer serves us and in developing more appropriate ways of functioning.

While a functional assessment is often the first thing we do to determine the function of a behavior, there is another way that occurs naturally with people without much thought of doing so. You subconsciously "tune in to" the intention or purpose linked to the behavior you exhibit or others are doing, so well that you can change, diminish or extinguish the behavior all together in many cases. Most of the time we say we gather this information because of direct observation, but I submit there is even a more refined dynamic mechanism at hand, which has it's roots in the subconscious awareness.

So wouldn't you think that when we look at our own behaviors, since we know what we are thinking and feeling, that we would know why we behave the way we do and why we have difficulty knowing our own intentions, purposes, or setting events? While it may appear to be that easy, often it isn't. It has little to do with how smart we, and more about knowing why we do what we do and where we need to modify our behavior to be successful.

Begin today to think about the internal and external factors that drive your behavior, those health concerns, environmental situations (noise, temperature, light, overcrowding, smell for example) that stress you out, or motivating factors that drive you onward, etc.. How do they affect your life and your behavior? What are you communicating through the behavior? Lastly, what are the intentions or motivations behind what you do in your daily life.

Not sure? Well, if you did know, what would those answers be? If you had to write your own owner's manual what would you write? Once you sit down and think about the environment you function best in, what helps you to feel motivated and happy, sad or angry, you will begin to see a pattern emerge. What goals do you have and have you have stopped to think about why you have trouble breaking the friction between the chair and the seat of your pants, or why you go through life with one foot on the gas peddle and the other firmly planted on the brake?

Most of time people know all about what they do not want showing up in their life. They often don't really stop to decide what they truly want or to examine how to get what they want. Knowing what you want and what drives your behavior is key to solving problems and overcoming barriers in your life.

A simple way to determine what you want is make a list of the things in your life that you do not want. Write them down on a sheet of paper and then reverse the statement. For example, if I wrote "I want to stop having conflict with other people" I would just need to rewrite it in the reverse. The new statement is, "I want peace in my relationships" or "I want to relate with others with ease and comfort". Play with your choice of words and then close your eyes and say it aloud. You will "feel" the difference in the way it hits you and those statements will become effective affirmations as well.

Sometimes people need the assistance of a certified Hypnotherapist to clear obstacles due to subconscious barriers. The map of the mind is like that of an iceberg where most of the processes that produce the results that keep showing up in our life is buried in the subconscious. If you keep finding yourself stuck after you have determined the game plan for your life and uncovered any conscious motivations or factors for your behavior without good results, then seek the help of a certified Hypnotherapist. Get to root of the issue and start making the changes that produce what you do want for the rest of your life.

How do you find a good Hypnotherapist?

2009-07-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

If you have tried hypnosis and "it" didn't work, take heart. In reality, there is no "it" to work or not to work. You see, hypnosis is something that almost all people experience on a daily basis and you naturally do it, but you call it something else, like "daydreaming" or "deep thought". If you have ever traveled from one place to another and not remembered the details of getting to your the destination, for example, you might decide that you were just "deep in thought" about something. You were actually in a altered state called hypnosis which is by definition a natural yet altered state where you, quiet your monkey-mind, and focus on selective thoughts. If you have ever been told that you were not hypnotizable when you wanted to be, you should seek a Hypnotherapist with more training and experience. My advice is to check out the Hypnotherapist's credentials before making your first appointment. Not all Hypnotherapists have the same style, experience and training. You should choose a Hypnotherapist who you feel comfortable with because you will be working as a team. Contrary to popular opinion, the Hypnotist does not control you or make you do anything. However, a good Hypnotherapist will be able to help you understand what hypnosis is and what it is not. All hypnosis is self-hypnosis and it is about self empowerment; that being the case, choose a Hypnotherapist who is a good teacher to help you learn how to do it. Your Hypnotherapist should be certified through a professional organization. Two well known professional organizations for Hypnotherapy are, The National Guild of Hypnotists, which requires a written test and 100 hours of training and the American Council of Hypnotists Examiners (ACHE), which requires a written exam, 250 hours of training and a live session before an examiner in order for certification to be granted. Ask to make sure that your Hypnotherapist is keeping their certification current so that you can be reasonably assured that he or she is keeping up on the latest information, training and professional competency. Choosing a certified Hypnotherapist also gives you an avenue to file a complaint in the event you have a legitimate concern which needs to be addressed. When you choose a Hypnotherapist who is not certified you have little recourse if you have a problem with the services provided. So, remember to check credentials and interview your hypnotherapist before you make an appointment. Many Hypnotherapists offer free consultations and you should take advantage of that service.